Resume faux pas

Typos and grammar slips

·  "Suspected to graduate early next year."

·  "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

·  "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

·  "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

·  "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."

·  "I am a rabid typist."

·  "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

·  "Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981."

·  "After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work."

·  "Accounting cleric."

·  "As indicted, I have over five years of experience analysing investments."

·  "Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details."

·  "Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."

More resume blunders

·  "Fired because I fought for lower pay."

·  "Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5"."

·  "Please disregard the enclosed resume - it is terribly out of date."

·  "Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10."

·  "Qualifications: No education or experience."

·  "I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy."

·  "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."

·  "Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the Tax office, Police and Government."

·  "Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near."

·  "Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.' I prefer to elaborate privately."

Bad humour

·  "Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series."

·  "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house."

·  "Also known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr. Fix-it."

·  "Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (Translation: Short-order cook.)

·  "But wait...there's more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."

·  "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

·  "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'- and I like your company in particular."

·  "Trustworthy references available upon request - if I give them a few bucks."

·  "Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience."